My Heart Hurts…

This is the hardest post I think I’ve ever had to write… I got the call yesterday that I had, in fact, miscarried again. I didn’t even know that I was pregnant. My partner and I split up a couple weeks ago, and I thought the stress from that delayed my period by 3 days. I thought the stress was what was causing me to be nauseous and throw up just one day.

I thought… that I was just stressed out. A new job, big changes in my family, the end of my relationship… Who could blame me for being emotional and crying over everything? (And I mean EVERYTHING! Even commercials!) Sore breasts are a normal PMS symptom for me, so I didn’t think anything about that either.

It was weird that I bled for 5 days and it was so light that I only needed panty liners. I’m usually medium to heavy flow for 2 to 3 days, then light for 1 to 2 days. Regular like clockwork since February. Until I wasn’t.

I passed a blood clot Friday that was slightly larger than a quarter across and about 2 inches long. But I sit at work all day and it’s not uncommon for clots to happen when you sit for long periods, as the blood pools inside you. So of course, I thought nothing of it. Nor of my bleeding finally stopping a few hours later.

My weekend was normal. Still a little emotional, but not as bad as before. Monday afternoon/evening, the bleeding came back. I lasted until Tuesday evening then went to the ER after speaking to a nurse. Given my history of miscarriages, and the fact that I was having migraines, lower back pain, and abnormal bleeding combined with the clot, she was concerned that I was having an ectopic pregnancy or miscarrying.

After 4 hours in the ER, I was told that I had contact dermatitis (a rash caused by an allergic reaction) on most of my body, a negative pregnancy test, my body was just “resetting itself” and got sent home with instructions to take Benadryl and use lots of lotion on my skin. Oh and to come back if the bleeding came “back” (because they considered spotting to be stopped… *eye roll*) or if the pain got worse.

So I called my OB’s office Wednesday and I left a message for the Dr. I told them everything that I had told the ER, plus what they had told me. After looking over my file, they called me back yesterday and told me that they would be considering this another miscarriage.

This would be my 7th one. They said the vomiting, sore breasts, food aversions and fatigue, combined with the delayed and then super light period, definitely sounded like I was pregnant. She then said that more than likely, there was some kind of problem with implantation, which caused my body to abort it.

They call it a chemical pregnancy, which means an early miscarriage. They usually happen before you even know you’re pregnant because the partial implant doesn’t create enough hCG to trigger a test. I had one in 2011 too, but it was a week after I got a super faint positive.

With all that being said, I am going to be taking a couple months away to heal myself and my body. I will be back as soon as I can be to help you continue on your journey as well. I hope that you all understand!

Lots of love and baby dust.

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